Why You Need Heartbreak.
"It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise." -Sara Teasdale
Heartbreak is one of those things that hurts your soul, not just our physical body like a small scrape or a deafening bruise. It attacks your well-being with a knife that cuts through your mind with an emotional pain that many may claim is far worse than any physical pain you can possibly experience in life.
And for me, heartbreak was the most agonizing pain I've ever felt.
But at the same time, it was also the most life-changing. As many times the most painful situations in life are exactly what we need to help us grow into who we want to become.
It was my second year of University. I was in a rather toxic relationship at the time. Unfortunately though, I couldn't really see it like that and my lust of constantly trying to impress and sway this person into loving me, consumed my entire world.
My relationship was toxic in the sense that I felt incredibly dependent on the other person and everyday was a roller coaster of stress and emotions that consisted of constant unease and tension that quite literally took over my life.
I was lost in what seemed like an endless sea of constantly craving love, validation and basing my entire self-worth upon how this person felt about me.
They say the best relationships in life are a roller coaster of emotions. But if the relationship doesn't inspire you, lift you up and help you grow, then that person just isn't meant for you.
Because put simply, I believe many of us spend a lot of our time in relationships that don't serve us. We spend our time in a relationship, in which, the other person just isn't aligned with who we really are.
Perhaps because we feel like we need that person. But in turn, we're constantly chasing a feeling that we are invariably always pushing away.
I asked myself why this was, and I came to the conclusion that perhaps it's because we get too comfortable in life.
We get comfortable needing that person, in order for us to feel whole. We get comfortable identifying our entire self-image and happiness amongst what our significant other feels towards us. But is this healthy? Is this creating our dream relationship? Or is this the reason we end up people we love the most away?
I've come to see that those kind of relationships aren't true love. They aren't what a true relationship should be like. It shouldn't just be another person to lean on, but rather a love to grow up with, learn from and make life feel amazing.
And if the person doesn't love you the same way you do -if the feelings aren't the same- than that is where things can go horribly wrong.
After I was dumped, I spent the next several months viewing the world from the lens of negativity, unhappiness and sadness. When you're depressed, you tend to view the whole world from this lens, and everything in my life began to crumble alongside with it.
My grades suffered. My health suffered. My relationships took a hit. All of the sudden, one domino fell down and began to tumble the rest. All because my entire life and identity was based upon being with this one person.
And well, that's when I realized I needed to make a massive change in my life.
I was lucky enough to have one of my best friends pick me up when I was down. He took me for a drive, and gave me some friendly advice to pick up a hobby in my life -something that I was truly and wholly passionate about. I didn't know what that was though for awhile.
For weeks I thought about what he was telling me. And then it hit me when I least expect it (of course, in the shower as most good ideas do ) and I decided I wanted to start a blog. From there, I came up with a name and immediately began writing articles.
Quickly, writing became my salvation and the words became my therapy. I began to find myself again through the poetry and art of putting words together into semi-coherent sentences. My life was slowly but surely beginning to make a little more sense again as I worked through the makings and collections of my mind.
Eventually through writing, I was able to get back to who I was again. It didn't happen overnight and it wasn't an easy process. But eventually, I found the light and fire within me again. Life eventually became fun once more.
You see, heartbreak may not be something that we deem as positive in any sense. But I've learned throughout my own life, that your perspective on what happens to you means far more than what you experience in life.
Remember, there is always a silver lining for the good and the bad things in life- there is always a bright side of things. There is always something positive you can take from even the most disheartening, discouraging and hurtful situations in life. Never forget that.
For me personally, getting over my pain and heartbreak came down to three things:
1) Realizing my own self-worth and knowing that I deserve better.
2) Learning from my mistakes and using them to grow.
3) Finding myself and my purpose in life.
Although heartbreak was one of the most difficult things I ever had to go through, I can honestly tell you that it was the best thing that happened to me in the end.
In getting my heart broken, I realized my self-worth. I realized that I deserve a person that loves me, just as much as I love them. I realized that although that relationship wasn't right for me, the right person will find me along the way in this journey and all I have to do is trust.
In getting my heart broken, I was able to learn from my past mistakes and use them to become a better man. I needed to have my own life together, so I can bring someone else into my story. I learned how to not only become independent, but become independent of my circumstances in life.
And finally, in getting my heart broken... I found writing. I found my purpose by pursuing what I loved most. I found what makes me exciting to get up in the morning, and what I want to premise my whole life around. I found what makes me feel the most alive.
So to you, the person going through heartbreak...
I know all too well how you feel. But at the same time, I also know that although things may seem ever so dark right now, things are also going to get a whole lot better.
You will grow from what you are going through. You will realize so many amazing things about yourself, as you shed the skin from the "old" you and breakthrough towards the "new" you. The "you" that was who you are, this whole time.
And most of all know that although this love wasn't the right one, never give up on love. Never give up on what is the most amazing feeling in the world. But also be willing to work for it, be patient for it, and go with the flow that your life is heading in.
Everything that is meant to be yours, will find you. All you need to do now is enjoy the ride.
Heartbreak is eye-opening. Heart break is life-altering. But also, heartbreak is profound, and it's also beautiful in the very same sense because it means you are evolving, growing and changing, as you navigate your way through this crazy mess we call our lives.